It’s been three weeks since I posted. Not sure why sometimes I thought I was doing better, other times I just can’t muster the energy to write anything. December and the holidays are certainly difficult. Maybe a little less so than I was expecting though, again a mixed message!
I have been very busy since my last post. Deanna has been great at helping me. She and the kids came to help me put up my tree and that went very well. The Christmas decorations I put up are minimalist, to say the least. A pre-lighted artificial tree, four signs in the front yard and a few candles and doilies. Not like when Jo Lynn did it, that’s for sure. I find that I miss all the stuff but not enough to put it out or take it down.
Last weekend Scott and Marissa were here while Deanna and Rich flew to San Diego to bring home a ’59 VW bug they bought. We had a great time, the kids and I. Went to Christmas in the park on Saturday, afternoon. Later Scott went to Dick’s and Marissa and I wrapped all the Christmas gifts (not hers). She and I went to dinner, stopped at Linda’s Christmas party, and then we went to the symphony. The day and the symphony were great. Sunday we went to church, then had lunch with Deanna and Rich then they all headed for home.
I went to a company Christmas dinner Wednesday, evening and it was great, lots of fun and laughs. This Saturday, I will be at a crab-feed at Roger’s house. Also should be fun. Next week I work Monday. Tuesday, I have a colonoscopy, Deanna will come to help drive me for that and then I plan to go to her house on Wednesday, AM. Skiing for few days then Christmas. Home on Christmas evening, then Jake and Jill on Monday for a day or two. On Wednesday, 12/29 another dinner at Eberly’s, then Thursday morning flying to Seattle for New Years. Home on Saturday. The plan was stay on the move and keep busy.
Meantime I am swamped at work. We are ramping up the efforts to get started on the new CMOS single chip product, lots of fun but daunting too.
The other side of the story though is that the house is very lonely. I have no one to talk to about the gifts I have bought and the other things. Jo is not here to enjoy the season with me and that hits me from time to time. I think, though that my situation (coping ability) is improving. Although I still miss her often and in very real ways, the feelings are different, more rational. Now it is not so much the sense that she should be here but more that I wish she were here. That may not be clear but the feeling is different but probably not easy for me to describe.
The other change I notice is that I can sometime talk about her being gone with out choking up. It has been 7½ months since Jo Lynn died and most people who know me but who don’t see me all the time still ask how I am doing when we see one another (most of them are very genuine, I think) and I can respond much easier now. At dinner with the WhereNet people this past Wednesday, I knew everyone, some wives I had seen very seldom but it was comfortable for me. The younger guys talked about their kids and I could talk about when Jo Lynn and I raised our kids, about how we both loved the grandkids and it felt normal!
So I’ll see how the rest of the month goes but for now I am feeling better about how it is going.
