Well today would have been Jo Lynn's birthday. Deanna and I took roses to the cemetery this afternoon. Deanna seems to have as much trouble as I do in accepting that her mom is dead. I wish that I could help her. Instead of helping her when she needs it I feel swept over my grief and I don't talk because I know I will cry. I feel bad that I can't tell her what to do.
She told me how Scott was so upset because Jo Lynn wasn't with us on the weekend. I was too. She was such a great grandmother and now she is gone. Deanna finished embroadering the family table cloth Sunday night from the celebration the day before Jo went to the hospital for the last time. I wonder if we can ever use it again? I know I will cry when we do.
I bought a book about grief tonight. It described a man who stopped going to church when his wife died because he cried when he tried to enter the church. I feel the same way. It was someplace we always went together, no matter how busy and Jo Lynn so loved the services. I miss her when I am there.
I also miss her at bed time every night. It is because I am forced to acknowledge that she is gone forever. Tonight. Tomorrow. Every day will be without her for me. For all of us.
Now I have to go to bed and I am very sad.
