Things never seem to go just the way I expect anymore. I thought that I was past the worst of the grief and then on Friday it is back and with a vengeance until today at church I just couldn't keep the tears back. Remembering the things we shared and the way she communicated her faith so clearly and without uncertainty, I miss it so much. I miss her so much. The last two nights I didn't sleep very well again. Slow to fall asleep then wake at 2:00 AM unable to fall back asleep. Everything I read makes the point that these feelings will continued to come up but somehow I thought I was immune to them by now. Guess not!
I ran a lot this week, Thursday I ran 7.3 miles, a new record. Total for the week was 15.3 miles. Today was warmer, it was over 80F when I ran. Doing pretty well with running and it does help. Keeping me in shape and also aids my feelings sometimes.
I am pretty sure that I will not stand for reelection to the Board of Elders at church. I need to talk to Don and Pastor but I don't have good feelings about it right now. I am away too many Sundays and I may want to try other churches to see if I feel less sadness when I am there. I am reluctant to change because I have friends at SOTV but the sadness there is hard to deal with too. I will probably try to just stop eldering but continue to support the communion and other things. I will talk to them next Sunday.
