Thoughts about how I miss my wife...
I spoke to friend recently, she hadn’t known about Jo’s death. She has been married only eight years but she said that she couldn’t imagine not being with Jerry because their lives had become so integrated. I think what she said is helpful. My feelings are not the same all the time.
Sometimes I am affected by the fact that she is not here to do things with, to talk to, etc. She can’t tell me how to wash my clothes for example, or how to cook squash! The things we always did for each other are big missing pieces now. Some are as simple as watering the plants in the atrium some are more subtle. Like there is no one to complement me when the cars are washed and waxed. Sounds a bit unimportant, I know but I can’t tell you how often I feel the absence of that interchange. The teasing we always did when the sheets were washed and the bed fresh…the wrinkle free sheets still feel great but it is not at all the same with out anyone to share it with.
The other feeling is different. It arises from knowing that she is gone forever! That the youngest grandson will never really know her; he knows her name and her photographs but he won’t know the special things she would have done for him as he grew up. Knowing that our daughter has lost her best friend, the person she talked to every day.
Knowing that she needed me to take care of her sometimes, to encourage her and be grateful to her; now there is no one for me to love in the same easy comfortable way that we loved each other.
I miss her in so many ways…
