Several things are working together now to keep the loss of Jo Lynn coming up for me. Obliviously, the first thing is that the one-year anniversary of her death is coming up in less than two weeks on April 1st. And last year during March she was in the hospital and I was there with her nearly all the time. I am planning for the weekend after Easter for the visit by Jake and Deanna (and family) so that we can be together on April 1st.
Even some more random things seem to come together to also remind me. On Saturday, I went to SF MOMA with some Photosig friends, after the museum we spent the day in SF. This was the first visit to MOMA and to SF with out Jo Lynn. I had a good time but it was also poignant because Jo and I had visited there so often and I have such fond memories of our time in “the city”.
My friend Carolyn Weber’s, mother was recently diagnosed with leukemia so she and Bob are dealing with that much as we had to deal with Jo Lynn’s suffering last year. And then even the news report trigger my sadness; the story of Terri Schiavo (the Florida woman whose coma and life support have become such a huge public and political cause) seems to trigger my sad feelings, even though there was nothing similar in Jo Lynn’s illness and death.
All of this together is bringing my feelings of loss to the surface. Something else is interesting too; it seems like my feelings and the loss come up in conversations more often now and I do a little bit better with that. I can talk about how I felt (feel), with out having to stop so often. I still have to choke back tears but I get through it better than before. Even talking about what and how I eat used to be so very difficult but now I can discuss it with our tears and even make (lame) jokes about my inept cooking. I find myself thinking about taking down some of the photographs of her that hang in the house. Maybe all of this means that I will start to feel more normal with a little more time.
Last Wednesday evening, Jo’s sponsor, Linda came to meet me after Lenten service to talk and (I think) to see how I was doing. It was nice to see her but it also kind of tripped me back to the feelings!
