I went on my first date this weekend. My first date since before I was married more than 40 years ago. I am not very suave but I was still surprised at how un-suave I was/am.
So here is the story. On Saturday of last week I went to an open house a Alisa and Jim's house. I was nervous but I thought since I would know a few of the people it would be ok. But when I had been there only a few minutes I a woman came and introduced her self to me. Her name was Joyce and she talked about her visits to Greece and Italy, her family and other things she was outgoing and very easy to talk to. She is near my age and single and very pretty. I enjoyed talking to her. She seemed smart and open, very self sufficient and independent. I thought she was so much of what I thought about in a partner. For the first time here was someone who seemed to open to getting to know me better and was such a good (I thought) fit. I was very impressed by her. It turned out that she is a family friend of Alisa and Alisa's folks (who I also met and liked at the party).
Joyce and I talked for a long time together then other people came by and I went to talk to some of other people and later I rejoined the group with Joyce. When I left I wanted to ask her if I could call but I didn't. I regretted it later but I felt that I didn't know how to do that; I made excuses and finally gave up.
On Monday, I was talking to Roger at lunch we talked about our how Mary M and others, like her, can pull people together and create friendships so easily. And we both agreed that we didn't have such skills. To illustrate the point I told Roger that story about meeting Joyce. Roger related a very similar story about himself. I told him that was considering talking to Alisa to make contact with Joyce but allowed that I would probably not do it. I left lunch knowing that I would probably do nothing about Joyce but figuring that leaving it alone was the easiest course of action. I thought about it but I didn't really want to move to take the risk. I thought that was the end of it.
The next thing I knew by Tuesday I still hadn't lined anyone up to go the to Giants game on Friday. On Tuesday it was possible that the Friday game could bring the Giants into a tie with Padres for the NLW title. I had a cancel and the two other guys I called couldn't go. I scanned through my contacts and then I came to Alisa's name. I didn't decide but I thought about it. On Tuesday, when Alisa came into the office I told her that I would like to make contact with Joyce but that I hadn't known how to ask for her phone number on Saturday. Alisa understood and agreed to check with Joyce and if OK then give me the phone number. Alisa and I joked about awkward I felt.
Early in the evening Alisa sent an email that said; I spoke to Joyce and she is looking forward to your call. Her number is 999-999-9999. I was thrilled but terrified too. After I thought about I realized that I had to call now because Alisa had gone to the effort to set it up and since I had a positive response I assumed Alisa must have vouched for me too. I thought it would be rude to put her all that trouble and then not follow up. It still took me some time to get to it and when I did she didn't answer! I left a message that probably rambled but I did get out an invitation to the game. She called back not long after and in her easy way she said that game sounded good and we made the date. I would call her Friday to confirm and then pick her up about five.
I was so nervous. I couldn't even sit still. I decided that I should call Deanna before any time passed because I knew that she might have some difficulty with my dating. I called and we talked. Deanna said that she knew this would come and that even though it was weird she was ok with it. I told her that it also felt weird to me and that I was so awkward. I felt much better then. Later I called Jake and he was fine with it, not upset at all. Deanna called back later and said that she had talked to the kids and they were both fine with it too. Scott wanted to know the ladies name and Marissa said that she prayed each time she left here that I wouldn't be lonely so this was probably a good thing she thought. Deanna said she was still ok and that Rich was ok too. I felt much better but was still on pins and needles all week.
I was busy and the week flew by. On Friday I left the office about three and went home. I wanted the car washed and I wanted to change and be at Joyce's on time for the game. On the way home Alisa called to tell me that Ben was all dressed up in his Giant's gear and was ready to go to the game with me! I joked that he could fit in my backpack. It was a nice call and I took it as a call of encouragement, perhaps a misread but maybe not.
I picked Joyce up just on time and she was ready. She looked very nice in a purple top and she didnÃ’t want to put on her sweater until was cooler. I was even more affected by her than I expected! We talked easily all the way to the stadium. Her conversation and wit made me feel like we had been old friends but my emotions were stronger than for a friend. She was a fascinating balance between friendly and flirty; so nice.
By Friday, the day of the game the Padres had won the division, the Giants were out of it so the game didn’t really matter. We had tried to have dinner before the game but the restaurant was too busy so we took our seats and then got the rice bowls that I usually get. It was good and we talked while the game was getting started. As the game started she sat close to me and when touched me frequently. I liked it but didn't know how to respond, because I didn't know if she was just being friendly and sitting close for warmth so I didn't want to offend her. Later when it was cooler she took my arm and held it to her it was wonderful but I was so dumb I still didn't respond very well, I was not sure what to do. Later we did hold hands and was we walked out we had our arms around one another.
When we got home she kind of half-heartedly invited me to come in, by ending the sentence; or would you rather just go home. I did just go home. But we kissed twice in the car; nice but chaste kisses but still warm and more than friendship kisses. I was tired but I was excited. I could hardly sleep even though I was tired.
I had asked her to the symphony on October 29 and suggested a dinner midweek coming up and she agreed to both pending checking her calendar for the 29th. On Saturday, I slept late, until about seven. I was still wound up after the date! [I said it; date!]
I wanted to call her all morning but I didn't want to seem to eager or like a stalker. I was unsure what it all meant. I was thrilled that we were attracted to each other but still I thought maybe I was being naive and that she was just that friendly to be nice. Or something! I decided to drive to Placerville to see Scott's game that would keep me out of temptation to call her I thought. And I would be able to see if Deanna was OK. When I was pulling on the expressway I noticed Joyce's sunglasses in the car. She had taken them off and left them on the console. I was so happy, now I had an excuse to call. I called her and told her that I would drive by to drop them off. She told me it was ok but I insisted. And I took them to her house (it near mine).
When I got there she apologized but I told her I was glad she left them. We talked for just short time because I had to get going to the game but she confirmed that the 29th was open for the symphony. So we left that we make detail plan for dinner later. I asked if she would like to have dinner later this week and she said yes. So I will call her and try for Wednesday.
I had time to think about this driving yesterday and I realized that one problem was that I didn't know what I wanted to have happen. I want to spend time with her because she is so great and loved being with her. I want very much, to feel that affection and give the affection back, and just enjoy being with her. But I was worried that since her life is so busy she would feel I was intruding if I pushed my way in after such a sort time!
And, did I want to be so much involved? I have just begun to learn to live alone and have just started to seek out more friends. I got home last night still unsure but feeling that I want to forge a relationship with Joyce. This morning I went to church, which involves my driving near her house. I was wreck during church, even left my cell phone on part of the time just in case she called, I thought. There was nothing to make me expect the call but I was hoping! I came home and went for a run. Running sometimes helps me focus and it did that today too.
I made a list of things to say, do or think about:
- Is my imagination just running wild and she thinks I am nice guy but thatÃ’s all?
o Maybe, but I don't think so and I will operate under the assumption that she is interested in knowing me better.
o If after we get to know one another better it can turn into friends then I will have made a new and very cool friend.
- I am nervous but I like her very much.
o I fear that ardor may be too much for her
o I fear that my going too slow may push her away too
o I fear that she may have greater expectations to the relationship than I do
o I fear that she may have lower expectations than I do
- I would like to have long-term relationship with her. I don't know what forms that might take, good friend, lover, or even marriage (someday)?
o I don't rule out any of them
o I have no idea what she wants (and I imagine that she thinks even thinking about it is not to bright).
o It is too soon to answer such questions
- I need to consider that I may be so unsure of myself that I can't make good judgments. I don't want to reject her from fear nor lead her to something that is not a good idea for me.
o Remember that I am in unfamiliar territory
- I still need to consider Deanna and the kids' feelings. (I am not sure why but this seems important to me.)
- Joyce must know my situation to be fair.
o This is my first romantic encounter since Jo Lynn
o I am uncertain how to behave
o I am thrilled and feel like a teenager
o I am worried that I don't know what either of us want or should expect
- I should discuss this with her openly.
o If I don't then the relationship will be doomed to failure anyway because of not being open and truthful
o She is a very together woman who is surely prepared to talk about this too
So, I have decided that it was clear that she wanted a relationship with me that was more than friends. And that if I donÃ’t acknowledge that I may hurt her feelings, I also should tell her that I am a rookie, she is first woman I have dated since meeting Jo Lynn in college! I want to have a relationship with her too and I will find a way to do that this week.
I also think that I should talk to a woman about this. My sister is the best person. She will be helpful I am sure.
