Joyce and I continue grow closer and more involved.
I came home from Atlanta on Friday night and Joyce met me at my house just after midnight. We had talked on the phone two or three times each day. We had missed each other very much. On Saturday and Sunday we did things with her sister and other relatives. I liked them all and we had a good time. Joyce and I spent Saturday, night at my house too. Our relationship has grown even stronger in the last week.
We have talked more about marriage and we both agree that getting married is the result we both want but we are uncertain of the right time. She has suggested that we might want to wed in Sicily but said it was just an idea. I have suggested that we might get engaged on her birthday (3/31). I currently think that I like that idea and I just need to decide to get the ring. I will probably delay starting the purchase until after Christmas and I may ask Bill to help me with a nice ring.
Thanksgiving is coming this week and I will be in Atlanta with my dad and having dinner on Thursday at my stepsister Lorri. I will miss spending the holidays with Joyce and her family at her house. I would have preferred to be here but these plans were already made before I met her.
Deanna, Rich, and Scott were here on Saturday, I bought Scott his xmas gift (a snow board set up) and Joyce and I spent the afternoon with Scott. We planned to drive to Stockton to watch Marissa in a band contest but we got held up by traffic and had to abort. We traveled for four hours and didn’t go anyplace but to eat in Pleasanton! Deanna and Rich learned about the Sicily trip and want to go! They visited with Joyce and got along fine. Rich was really joking with her. I am pleased. Last night Jake was in town for business and I have he and Joyce for dinner. They also got along fine although Jake was his normal reserved self. So we are past this phase and so far everyone is doing well with accepting that I am moving on.
Meantime, Joyce and I continue to grow closer. We see one another every night and we spend most of our weekend time together. I worry a little (not much) that the feelings are so intense that it might be more crush than love. However, it sure doesn’t seem like a crush (although lust does enter into the feelings on both sides), I feel more strongly all the time that I really want to be with Joyce. She expresses this same feeling often. To some extent I depend on her instincts because I have no real experience and I know that is dangerous but it is still valuable input for me. She also relates that her friends’ advice has been helpful to her in the past in judging if a man was good for her or not; so far she tells that her friends give me “thumbs up”. That pleases me and it is helpful but still maybe not so objective. At this point we have only established a few things:
We love each other and want to spend time together. We are very affectionate, we hug, kiss, and hold one another very often.
She sees us married at some point but she has no firm idea of when that might be or how the decision would be made. Nor do I.
I see us together but the details of the relationship are not so clear to me but I imagine that for me marriage will turn out be the only comfortable way to go forward.
It is not clear to me where we will be in the near or medium term with respect to living together or continuing the current mode of spending our nights together but maintaining two houses.
All that said, the past Sunday I helped her with some cooking, we played golf, and I helped her with some household repairs. It was fun, we really do enjoy just being together doing normal stuff. Joyce also attended the Photosig with me on Friday and she enjoyed it, I think. I will probably ask her friend Marilyn to go in January, so since she is interested in getting a high-end digital camera.
For now I am feeling good about Joyce and our relationship and I am very very happy. It is important that we laugh together and at ourselves, everything with her is just so easy.
The saga continues…
An awful lot has happened since my last post, less that than two weeks ago. Joyce and I have spent most nights together and so far nothing has occurred that suggests any looming difficulties. I am kind of limited in time this morning so I will make it short by just listing some high points. The sex has improved and this past weekend it was the best so far (without details, for me is was outstanding). And we I am growing closer and more comfortable with this new relationship everyday. Now for some high-lights.
Last weekend I was in Albion with Mom and Joe. I talked to Joe about a day in future when he may no longer be able to care for Mom by himself. I visited Bishop Place in Pullman where he said they know several people and might consider. It was very nice. Joyce and I had visited the Atria in Willow Glen, it was nice but no better than the BP in Pullman. BP is building a Alzheimer unit that should be ready next summer, in time that Mom might need that. (I imagine that the issue for Joe will be physical care before the dementia becomes unmanageable for him.) Ruth and I will talk to Joe’s kids about this and then confirm with Joe and if all agree then we will put them on the waiting list.
This weekend was very full. Friday, we had dinner, and attended West Side Story. Both were very good. Saturday, we had dinner with her friends Linda and Pete, there were some others there and it was very nice. It is fun to meet bright and stimulating people again. I reflected that for so many years my life was constrained by the Alcohol problems. First; Jo’s drinking nearly halted our social life, it was slow but continuous. Eventually we stopped going to parties and first spent much time together (as I tried to fix her) and later in the process we went out even less. Then when she entered treatment and started AA our social life centered on AA folks. I was happy with that but I was always a bit of an outsider and the conversations nearly always involved the program and people in the program. Now being back with people in a more normal situation is turning out to be very good. So far I have meet several of her friends and they are all wonderful people.
Yesterday we visited an elderly couple (Ross and Kathy) in Folsom. They were so much fun and I liked seeing how much they love Joyce. It is clear that they think of her as an important part of their family! I loved spending time with them too. Earlier on Sunday we meet briefly with her friend Ricci and Ricci’s sister and brother-in-law (Steve and ????), they were great people too.
We picked up a truckload of stuff at their house then we proceeded on the Placerville to meet Deanna and crew. We saw their new house (under offer contract) and also went to their current house. Deanna told me later that everyone liked Joyce and they could see how happy we were. Interestingly Deanna also said that Joyce was exactly like she had expected (from my descriptions) but that the other three were surprised. She attributed that to her communications. Although I wasn’t worried about their response I was happy that it is so positive.
We had a great day on Sunday. We woke up together, drove to Folsom and then to Deanna’s and home. We talked about a lot and had good time. Since we were both very tired we decided that I should spend the night at home so we could catch up on sleep. I did, and I slept well but I missed her, very much. She and I have talked a lot about what our relationship is like now and where it will go in future. I believe we see it very much the same, she is better able to articulate it but we agree. In capsule form; We love each other we want to be together today and we both expect our relationship to survive and prosper for the rest of our lives. We also recognize that it is a new relationship (we meet just 8 weeks ago last Saturday) and as such it may change so we need to allow for some to pass. We expect that one day we will both know what we need to do. In the mean time we joke about our situation, of spending nearly everyday and night together but not “living together”. It is interesting and so new to me that I find it to be both emotionally and intellectually an important thing to think about. All said though, I feel as comfortable and certain of my feelings as I have ever felt at anytime. Joyce says the same thing so I have a lot of confidence that we will be together for the very long term. But I feel no pressure and I think we can just allow our love to develop and grow better acquainted until we reach the time for something more. In the meantime I am at least as happy as I can ever recall being!
Things continue to move forward:
Joyce and I spent a lot of time together last week and weekend. On Thursday we had dinner with her boys (as I said last blog). Then Friday we had dinner with Jim, Alisa, and Ben. We had a lot of fun playing with Ben and visiting with Jim and Alisa.
Then we spent Friday night together but didn’t sleep much. Saturday morning, we lay together and just talked. It was easy to do and while we both see ourselves together for the long term I am not sure that we see it exactly the same way. She sees us married sooner than I do, I think. My impression is that she would like to live together soon, like any time. I on the other hand, have the same long-term goals but I guess my idea of marriage would be out a few years (I don’t know why) and living together would also be out a ways. It is not contentious at this point but I am a little concerned that it might be in future. But for now we are happy when can be together and I miss her when she is away.
We spent the rest of Saturday running errands mostly for Joyce’s condo refurbishment project and then dinner and the Symphony. We had a great time but we were so tired that the symphony was difficult. Later we fell asleep and she laughed at me because I apparently dozed off during a kiss! She told me; “I thought this guy is really tired”! This is an example of how kind and understanding she is. There was not a hint of disappointment of irritation, just good-natured ribbing from her. This is another illustration of why I so attracted to Joyce.
Then on Sunday we lay in bed until 9:00 AM or so again just talking and loving until we got up so we could go to the Forty-Niners game. At the stadium we met some old friends of mine. Romano and I have known one another since I first moved to California in 1965 and we have worked together of and on and socialized for much of that period. One of the other fellows Mike worked with Romano and I for part of the time. I was so proud to introduce Joyce to them; of course she and Romano had to talk about being Italian! Romano and Mike couldn’t wait to tell some stories about some of our hi-jinks when we worked together. It was fun and we laughed a lot. Romano observed that he hadn’t seen me laugh like that in a long time; He was right, being there with Joyce and my old friends made me happier than I have been for many years.
To put the cap on the weekend the 9’ers won the game and the weather was outstanding. Joyce and agreed that spending the weekend together was a lot of fun and we felt even closer than we had before. Monday morning Romano called to tell me that he thought Joyce was great; that he thought my life would be easier now. I appreciated his call.
Joyce left Monday to visit her friend in Pebble Beach for golf and wallpapering. She will be home this afternoon and I will go by for dinner. I have taken her suggestion and put together a bag of toiletries that I will leave at her house. To me, that suggests a commitment that I could not have imagined making just a few weeks ago. It feels good and I hope and pray that it continues to work.
